Castle Theory

eHezi Archives, Community, Governance, History, Law, Op-Ed, People, Westchester County, NY 5 Comments

We here at believe in a proprietary theory which we call Castle Theory. It serves to explain how The United States of America and Europe, while sharing a common origin, have evolved into two very distinct entities, in terms of risk-taking and security. Or in other words, why they are wusses and we are bad-ass!

Put yourself in the position of a typical European back at the end of the Middle Ages and the early stages of the Renaissance (roughly the year 1500 AD and forward). You lived in a town or city, in fairly squalid conditions. At the center of the town was a town square and the nobleman’s castle. Towns and cities existed behind walls for protection. Outside the walls roamed the thieves and highwaymen. You paid the king, indirectly through your local nobleman (pimp, pusher, whatever), taxes in return for the protection he offered and lived as his subject. That is to say, you were not a free man, and the king and noblemen ruled as they pleased. They’d just as soon put your eye out with a hot poker for not paying your taxes. Oh, and they could set your taxes at whatever level they wanted. Complain and he’d take out your other eye. Imagine that, no more hanging out on the corner ogling those eight maids a-milking…

After America was discovered, these people faced a choice. They could either remain where they were, or if they could afford to buy a place on a ship under extremely foul, overcrowded conditions, could leave for America: basically, a huge forest.  If you were lucky enough to survive the journey (starvation, dysentery, cholera, scurvy – take your pick), you were then free to take your chances on your own against Indians, bears, wildcats and wolves, as well as thieves and highwaymen. Ah, those pesky guys again.

Think about that. Stay where you are and trade your freedom for security or take a HUGE risk to you and your family for the opportunity (by no means guaranteed, or indeed even probable). Take a huge risk on a low-probability outcome: that you and your family actually survive. And if you do manage to survive, your then have to feed, clothe, and protect your family.

The people who took those risks wound up populating the Inited States. That is the stock of the American people: risk-takers. The Europeans are descended from (the stock that chose to keep being subject to the king in return for his (dubious) protection.

A similar case can be made for Australia and New Zealand, although in their cases those countries were founded as penal colonies so most of them were criminals. Maybe this helps explain why they are such fun, outgoing people.

We’ve partied with Aussies and Kiwis. Those guys are crazy fun!

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Joe Six Pack’s soon to be published book “Socialism Sucks Your Money out of Your Pocket” will stir up a mega kettle of politically incorrect stew and serve up heaping portions to empower Americans to fight the encroaching blob of freedom killing nanny-staters …find out more from his hilarious memes and pictures at REAL JOE SIXPACK at: .

eHeziCastle Theory

Comments 5

  1. Bizarre stuff. In addition to the “risk takers,” the founding of the United States was done by rapists, murderers, enslavers, interlopers and usurpers. Wonder how this factors into this nonsensical narrative of “the stock of the American people.” And what a surprise – no mention of the indigenous peoples who lived on this land before Europeans “discovered” it.

    America did socialism far better and much earlier than the Europeans. While the European aristocracy was building walls around its 18th, 19th and early 20th c. social, cultural, educational and political institutions in order to avoid having to mingle with the unwashed masses (which, incidentally, made their way to these shores as a result), America was providing healthcare and public education for all as well as workers’ rights. Due to Wall Street and corporate greed, it’s the other way around now.

    Too many American workers know too little about the history of the labor movement in this country, which explains the appalling state of workers’ rights and unions. otherwise, they’d understand that working for peanuts while the boss man takes home 1,264 times more money is just another word for exploitation. Call that socialism if you want. I call it common sense and one of our country’s greatest thinkers had a lot to say about it.

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      I haven’t read The Onion in some 15 years or so, perhaps longer. I subscribed to learn more about their demeanor today to comprehend your suggestion that the Yonkers Tribune may be morphing into The Onion. It may take me a while to appreciate who they are today and if there is a demeanor / sensibility that aligns us in some fashion.

      Truth be told, it would be easier to begin by understand what you recognize so I can reflect on your analysis and if I concur or not. Thanks. Kindly, Hezi

      1. I am referring to the quality of this particular article. Joe Sixpack sounds like a guy on a barstool pontificating. I was wondering if this is a parody.

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          No, its not a parody. I believe it is important to learn of or become familiar with perspectives that challenge our perceptions and inclinations. It strengthens one own beliefs and may also bring about a nuanced appreciation of another viewpoint. Whethe one accepts another view or not is not the issue. It piqued your interest. It is a legitimate stance by some, while not of others. It reveals the national divide. Line have been drawn. At issue is whether the nation can arrive at an accommodation. If one is unaware of the varying perspectives, one is ill-prepared to appreciate the schism for what it is, and wh the passions exist as they do. Joe Sixpack will have more to share. I hope your tue in. Kindly, Hezi

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